R&B singer Chris Brown spoke to Larry King about the alleged beating of his ex-girlfriend, Rihanna, (for which he pleaded guilty to felony assault) and the court’s decision in the case. The quote that caught my eye when I read it on CNN is: “No one taught us how to love.” With his “very shaken” mother at his side, Brown said he was sentenced to five years probation and six months of community service.

The repentant Brown says he is still in love with Rihanna, and when pressed by King to explain the violent altercation, he said: “We’re both young. So no one taught us how to love each other. No one taught us a book on how to control our emotions or our anger.”

This in no way excuses his behavior, but it is a reminder to all of us of two important points. First, we must be aware of the potential for violence against our daughters, sisters, friends and neighbors. Don’t think you can’t affect your family. The sister of a good friend of mine was murdered by her own husband in 2005, leaving behind a little boy who grew up without his mother. The close-knit and devastated family was unaware of any violence against her prior to the murder.

Second, it’s a great reminder to teach our children what love looks like and doesn’t look like, that control and jealousy are not part of a healthy relationship. Imagine how much education Rihanna and Brown have had in their young lives about singing, dancing, dealing with paparazzi, keeping up with fashion, and managing their wealth. However, he says that they had no education on how to love. Don’t teach your children that talent or education are the only things that matter. Teach them how to look for character, kindness, and true love. Teach them about the signs of abuse and look for the signs yourself.

My 6 year old son likes to have pretend weddings with imaginary princes. I like to ask her what she thinks of that particular prince; I ask the name of the prince about how he treats her. He keeps the conversation going for a while, not realizing that I’m trying to impress on him important factors in choosing a spouse.

Unfortunately, even if elections are held with the best of intentions, violence can still break out. One Michigan woman I interviewed dated her boyfriend for three years in college before marrying him. On their honeymoon, he abruptly changed and regularly abused her physically (only where it wasn’t noticeable) and sexually. He controlled where he went and even how much he ate. She hid it for nearly two years, embarrassed to tell her family at first, but eventually confided in them. With his support and the assistance of law enforcement, she escaped to a battered women’s shelter and eventually built a new life for herself. After helping herself, she also helped others overcome violence and later found a kind and patient man with whom she built a loving marriage and family. It won’t surprise you that he teaches his own daughters about violence and love.

What are you teaching the next generation about love through your words or example?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *