Do you think people who flirt have higher or lower than average self-esteem? People who flirt habitually tend to have lower than average self-esteem. The important element in this question is the “usual” nature of the flirtation. Some degree of flirtation is desirable, and possibly even necessary, in everyday encounters with members of the opposite sex. When flirting is used in inappropriate situations or directed at inappropriate people, the behavior takes on a neurotic character in which flirting becomes an overcompensation for unresolved emotional conflicts that have produced low self-esteem.
Effective flirting actually requires a great deal of self-esteem. Individuals with a shy or schizoid personality are unable to do this, as are excessively inhibited obsessive-compulsive types. People whose childhoods were devoid of rich pretend play experiences are unlikely to be able to engage in the role-play that flirting requires. People who feel they have little to offer other than their physical attractiveness or need constant reassurance of their sexual attractiveness may spend excessive time and effort flirting, at the expense of developing more rewarding interpersonal relationships or doing effective work. And there are those who use flirting not as a means of social interaction but as a device to control or exploit others. As with so many types of human behavior, a healthy and pleasurable type of expression can be perverted into neurotic activity by changing the goal.
Almost all people like to be flirted with. Both sexes enjoy it equally because being the object of flirtation makes us feel good about ourselves. Even if we are married or emotionally committed to someone, flirting allows us to gain additional validation from other sources, which increases our self-esteem. Unlike seduction, flirting does not exploit us for mere libidinal gratification. It is an exchange with strict and defined limits, but within those limits we can exchange admiration and respect.
Flirting provides intimacy for sure, a commodity that is not easy to come by in these complex times. It is the rare woman who will not appreciate, if tastefully offered, a tribute to her charms, even if it does not encompass her apparent mental and professional attributes. Flirtation offers satisfactions beyond those of simple seduction or intellectual appreciation. Flirting has given pleasure to so many people for so many centuries that it will continue for many years to come.
Occasionally flirtatious behavior can threaten a marriage. But if flirting is an important part of normal social interaction, we wouldn’t expect flirting behavior to change abruptly after marriage, although many spouses reduce flirting to avoid marital conflict. The really important question regarding marital harmony is probably not how much flirting there is. outside the marriage, but how long it stays within marriage. When couples continue to compliment each other and affirm ongoing sexual attraction (an example of ongoing marital flirtation and romance was provided by the old television show Hart to Hart), jealousy should not be aroused by occasional flirtatious behavior toward acquaintances. Where there is indifference and miscommunication within a marriage, any show of attention to strangers is sure to arouse deep resentment.
Most confident spouses will accept their partners’ flirtatious behavior toward each other with the composition of the wife who said, “I don’t care about my husband flirting. My dog chases cars all the time, but it’s just a game I play.” play”. . If he ever caught one, he wouldn’t know what the hell to do. He would lose interest and just walk away, game over.”
Bottom line:
- Flirting provides intimacy for sure.
- Flirting helps us feel humanly connected and appreciated.
- Continue to flirt with your partner after marriage to keep the romance alive.