Sometimes I hear of people who would give anything to turn back time so they could get their adventure back. They deeply regret their actions. But unfortunately, there is no way to get it back. And because of this, his actions can hurt his spouse so deeply that his spouse may feel that he is no longer in love with or committed to her marriage. This can make the cheating spouse feel helpless and desperately search for a way to make their spouse love them once more.
I heard from a wife who said, “I made a big mistake and had a short-term affair with my boss. I immediately told my husband about it. At first, he really tried to understand. He didn’t leave right away. He told me he would try.” to save our marriage. But, over time, our marriage has continued to struggle. My husband has tried to control his anger. He doesn’t really lash out at me or say nasty things. that I deserve to hear. Instead, he very calmly tells me that he believes that he doesn’t love me anymore. He says he can’t love me because of the way I betrayed him. He says the trust is gone. He emphasizes that he will always take care of me, but he can’t love me as a husband because of my actions. I understand somehow , but it still breaks my heart. I still love him. He is the love of my life. and I don’t want to let him go. How can I make him love me again so we can move on and stay married?
I understood where this wife came from. I was the faithful wife, but I saw my husband deal with the same thing. We were able to restore love in our marriage, but I firmly believe that my husband did not “make” me feel anything. Instead, his actions encouraged a return of love. I will explain the distinction below.
Why you shouldn’t try to “make” your spouse feel anything.
I am going to be very honest in this article. I hope I don’t seem insensitive because I really want to help. But frankly, sometimes the best thing to do when you want to save your marriage is to emphasize that you are the one who made the mistake and that you realize that your job is to help your spouse get back on their feet, regardless of what happens with your wedding. . You want to show that you care more about your recovery than yourself or even your marriage.
But when you try to manipulate them into feeling something too soon for your own benefit, you’re really only hurting yourself because they’re going to see through it and they’re more likely to be even more reluctant to trust you.
But, if you just commit to acting in their best interest and allow them to go at their own pace, they’re actually more likely to feel positive towards you. In short, if you take manipulation and impatience out of the equation, you’re more likely to get the results you want.
Focus on being the best spouse you can possibly be and have confidence that love will eventually return:
People often ask me specific things they can do or say to win love back. But the thing is, I can’t point to a specific action that works for all couples. It’s going to be different for every couple and it takes time.
Instead of trying to find a short-term solution, look at the big picture of your marriage. If you want your spouse to love you, you must act kindly over and over again until trust is restored. You need to ask yourself what your spouse values most.
I can give you a hint and say that most spouses who have been cheated on come to highly value honesty and loyalty. Therefore, you want to make sure that everything you say is completely accurate and honest. You want to make sure that from this day forward everything you say is true. You want to be loving and loyal. You must be patient, kind and reassuring. Because if your spouse feels that you are impatient and tries to manipulate him, then he will start to think that it is all about you and not about him.
They need to believe that you are putting them first. You probably know your spouse well enough to know what he really wants from you. Therefore, make sure that he is really giving them what he knows they want and that he is patiently waiting for them to accept it. Don’t push them. Don’t keep asking them if they are starting to love you again.
Instead, make sure the focus is on helping them heal. And have confidence that if you focus on helping them and being by their side, eventually your loving behavior will bring up loving feelings in them.
The ball really is in your court. But your actions, words, and behaviors go a long way to making the outcome you want more likely. Always remember that when you focus on helping them, you are likely to benefit as well.