The other day I received an email from a wife whose husband had asked for “space.” He needed “time to think” and he wanted to be able to do it without his wife’s presence. Of course, the wife didn’t quite know how to take this. She felt like a rejection. She felt like the first step to breaking up. She felt like she didn’t want her anymore. So naturally, this made her want to make her presence felt much more of her. She knew pushing on him when she asked for space might be the wrong thing to do. However, she was having a very difficult time with this. She just wanted to be with him and she felt bad taking a step back. She asked how she could get over this and give him the space that she had asked for. I will share with you what I advised him to do in the following article.
When a husband asks for space, you need to make it work for you: There are many reasons why a man will pull away or ask for some time alone to reflect. Sometimes this doesn’t even have much to do with you. However, you may not connect the dots with this. It is very possible that you are projecting your frustration onto other areas on yourself. However, you may be having some problems with yourself. Other times, he may be contemplating or reflecting on the relationship and he may just want to be able to do this without you being there to influence his thoughts. Sometimes he just wants to be wide on his own. Men rarely want to share their vulnerability with their wife.
However, never underestimate silence and distance as a tool that can work for you and not against you. Basically, you have a choice here. You know that when he is taking the “space” from him he is going to reflect on you and the relationship, so don’t let recent images of you be those of you arguing and/or blaming yourself or placing yourself in a negative light.
Instead, handle yourself with respect and grace. Treat him the way you would want to be treated if the roles were reversed. Make it clear that you love him and want him to be happy, but respect his request and make it clear that you are going to take advantage of the time too. This is not meant to play games or imply that you are going to act badly. This means showing him that you are strong, independent and capable. Not only that, but you will do your own thinking during this process.
Show him your strong and attractive side, not the weak and needy side: It’s very easy to “just sign up”. Or to call and text much more than you intend to. It’s too tempting to keep checking their Facebook page or Twitter or whatever else you happen to glance at. Resist this urge. It will only make you appear needy and less than attractive. You will become the woman who clings too much again. Stay as busy as you need to be so you won’t be tempted to do these things. However, make sure that these things that keep you busy are fun for you.
Surely there are things you’ve been meaning to do lately, but you just haven’t done them or put them off because you didn’t want to take up time. Well now is the perfect time to take advantage of this time. Don’t sit at home thinking about this. Don’t play sad love songs or write painful poetry. Do not take old photos or videos. All these things will only feed your feeling of despair and this is not what you want.
Instead, focus on the things that make you happy, build your confidence, and build some peace. Know that this is going to work out no matter what, because you both deserve to be happy. Get a makeover or a new hairstyle. Make sure he knows that you love yourself enough to care about you as much as you care about him.
Create positive perceptions: You may have doubts and negative perceptions about the relationship right now, but you can’t control your thoughts. You can only control how you act and respond when the two of you interact at the moment. And you want to leave him with positive thoughts when he thinks of you. This does not mean that you should be too sweet or syrupy. You are probably smart enough to spot insincerity and deceit. But, you are very capable of interacting in a positive way. You are very capable of showing him the best side of yourself that features the qualities he fell in love with. You know how to have a cheerful and cheerful conversation with him.
Do not present yourselves as the wounded to whom he must have pity. Introduce yourself as the fun-loving, personable, and funny woman. This will make him miss you faster than trying to convince him that he is wrong, which is what many of us do. I know this may go against what you feel like doing, but try to take a step back and think about what is really best, not what feels good right now, but what could later become a mistake.