Parental alienation refers to the variety of behaviors and actions; either consciously or unconsciously, which leads to an imbalance in the relationship between a child and the parent. The unfortunate dynamic often leads to scenarios where access to the child, for the rejected parent, becomes difficult or nearly impossible.
Research shows that such feelings of disgust can originate from experiences of vile behavior in which the parent might have been involved, towards the child. Furthermore, the upbringing of the alienating parent himself plays an important role in determining whether he becomes one for her children. Parental alienation almost always occurs with broken families, that is, parents who are divorced or living apart.
Usually, it is the mother who takes the children away from the father.
Parental alienation at its core is a psychological problem. Researchers at some of the leading universities and institutes have spent countless hours trying to find some characteristics found in parents that act in alienating ways. The following two are important topics that often encompass everything else within them:
People with personality disorders are more likely to become alienated from their children. Unfortunately, this leads them to develop a narcissistic or paranoid orientation towards interactions and relationships with other people, including their children. Such relationships are characterized by a compelling need for individual identification, rather than mutual appreciation and enjoyment of differences and similarities. Thus, when even their own children disagree, narcissistic and paranoid people feel abandoned, betrayed, and often enraged.
Some alienating parents grew up in families where there are unresolved or unacknowledged grievances as a result of traumatic loss or severe but unacknowledged emotional deprivation, usually in the form of a lack of empathy and caring. Interestingly, alienating parents were either their favorite children or were overly indulgent or idealized as children, leading them to become overly conceited and unsympathetic to those around them. Consequently, when these overly idealized children grow up to become parents in their own right, more often than not, they see their own blood as competition for their own bloated egos and personalities.
Child custody issues in divorced families are often the primary catalyst for parental alienation. A bad divorce leads to both parents fighting over custody of their children. Mothers frequently abuse their children by denying them access to their fathers. Each often takes actions that force the child to make decisions that she is not in an easy position to make. Often the child is brainwashed to such a degree that she begins to hate one or even both parents. Whichever parent is victorious in this unfortunate farce becomes the victor and the other is alienated. Typically, a mother projects her guilt for causing the breakup (about 80% of divorces are initiated by the wife) onto the child and uses the child as a weapon to try to hurt the father.
Although parental alienation is a very serious problem, the courts and social workers have been reluctant to take it seriously. However, there are still some steps that, if taken with the best of intentions, can help resolve the underlying issues.
Parents must be willing to accept that there is a problem and talk to specialists and counselors who can help with conflict resolution.
· Struggling parents must understand that it is the child whose best interests must be preserved, and not their own.
Avoid adding fuel to the fire of alienation at all costs.
Be proactive in finding solutions that you can both agree on.
Parental alienation is never easy, but there is much hope for those who take the right path and follow what has worked for others in similar situations.
Sadly, it is a difficult topic to discuss because it forces us to examine the “sacred cow” of the mother who knows best and is the best guardian of the children. Once we break down this barrier, we discover that mothers are often not fit for purpose and that the child would be better off in the custody of the father. Until the courts and child protection services (sic) recognize their failings, the situation will continue and children will be alienated from their parents and their rights trampled on, all sacrificed to the goddess of sacred motherhood.