Playtime between a parent and child creates a deep emotional bond. It is the bond that sets the stage for joyful, creative, and cooperative times together. Adults seem to avoid fun and games in their daily lives. As adults, we often get so caught up in “grown up” stuff that we can forget how to have pure fun. Some parents just don’t know how to play with their kids or feel like they don’t have the time. No wonder most parents have a full-time job and feel exhausted with little to no energy at the end of the day to feel fun. If parents knew how much playtime shapes their family life, more parents would appreciate it. They would come to know that it recharges their adult batteries!
Most parents played as children. Parents experienced goofing around, laughing at nothing, playing alone or with peers. Why have today’s parents forgotten how to play? Why do parents feel strange or simply ignore this way of communicating with their children? Parents make sure their children are loved, comforted, safe, fed, and protected; but when it comes to playing, most parents don’t seem to be in the know. Our society in general doesn’t take gambling very seriously either. Most gaming professionals, like day care providers, after-school program teachers, recreation department workers, and camp counselors, are paid very low wages for the work they do that is truly important to the lives of our children. These workers are treated more like nannies than experts in children and games.
Playtime is a rewarding time for a fresh, renewed look at life. It is the moment when a zest for life takes place. When a father plays with his son, there is a deep heart-to-heart vibration that can overcome all the stresses and frustrations of the day. Participating on your child’s playing field, whether on the floor, face to face, sitting next to each other, or at a table, creates enjoyment and spontaneity, happiness, and an opportunity to interact like no other activity can. Years of research have shown that successful parenting is when there is a sensitive response to the needs of your children. This response includes physical contact, smiling faces, eye contact, and communication, both verbal and nonverbal.
Some of my clients have said, “My family members need to feel more connected. We seem to be disconnected and going in different directions.” Play helps build that connection and communication so vital to a loving family environment. Parents can try to remember and reconnect with that part of themselves that knows to be in the flow of fun. Asking a child to play with you, and then allowing them to guide you to what you want to play and how you want to play, is the first step in creating a deep connection. Hide and seek, catching, chasing, fighting, fantasy games, sports, pillow fights, art projects, racing, etc. They are games that all children like. You can start knowing that anything can be fun, especially doing it together.
Here are five ways to be a happier parent:
1. Lead the way: Ask your children what kind of activity they would like to do with you. Talk it over and agree to an activity that gives both of you a feeling of joy. Think about what made you laugh as a child. Children like rules: start the game by saying, “Okay, if we play there will be no giggling or blinking!” Then pretend to complain when your child breaks these rules! Let the games begin!
2. Relax – Playtime is just that – play and time. Don’t worry about mess, noise or concussion. Just remember to let the game flow and follow it. As long as you hear giggles, howls of joy, see happy smiles, then you know this play session is a success.
3. Encourage your children: Understand that when you play with your child, you encourage strong feelings of excitement, exuberance, joy, as well as frustrations, anxiety, jealousy, and shame. Control these emotions knowing that these emotions should be expressed freely instead of having them buried and held inside. So, take some time during your playtime to stop and remind your child that having these feelings is okay, that being angry or happy are acceptable emotions. This creates a deep connection between you. After all, play is the way children express themselves and their emotions.
4. Play with your kids – use a relaxed, goofy voice. Get out of your everyday stern parent style and start feeling the energy of the game. Choose games that allow you to encourage your children, inspire confidence, allow their need for attachment and closeness. Give your children all your attention accompanied by love, hugs and affection. Always promote win-win situations in the games you play and have fun!
5. Be light-hearted: Being light-hearted while playing with your child actually adds to your life and buys you time. Playtime is rejuvenating. You may have to work hard at first, but very soon after, you will feel, understand and want to play as the rewards are well worth it.
To help your batteries feel recharged after a tiring day at work, take the initiative to spend more time together with your children, even if it just means holding them, talking to them, being with them at the end of the day. Lift everyone’s spirits by telling them how much they mean to you and what you appreciate most about each family member. Create a healthy and energetic connection today that your children will remember for the rest of their lives.
Copyright © 2005 by Linda Milo and Empowering Parents Now. All rights reserved.