Once a relationship has come to an end, it could result in two people going their own ways. Then it will be a clean break, which means that both of you will be happy to move on with your lives.
What this might illustrate is that they gradually drifted apart, with nothing holding them together. Ending the relationship in this way will mean that neither of you had to get to the point of hating the other before you did something.
conscious uncoupling
This would have prevented them from having to experience too much pain and drama. But, if they both didn’t have the level of self-awareness that they do, it might have been a different story.
Without this, your relationship may have had to get a lot worse before anything was actually done about it. So there’s a chance the relationship would have lasted longer, but it would have taken a very different route.
another experience
Conversely, one of them may have reached the point where you could see that it was no longer working. After hanging out with them for a while, perhaps it became clear that they were on very different paths.
Before long, they may have opened up to their partner about what was happening to them, and their partner may have accepted it. This would have prevented too many bad feelings from building up and would have allowed them to part more smoothly.
a common result
If this is what happened, it could be said that this is something that is much more common than the other experience. The reason for this is that it is rare for both people to be equally attracted to each other.
As a result of this, one person may lose interest and the other may still be strongly attracted to them. So a breakup can be relatively pain free for one person, while it can be incredibly painful for another.
a focus
Regardless of how the relationship ended, neither of you might have an interest in painting your ex in a negative light. This doesn’t mean that either of you feels angry or hurt, but it doesn’t make you want to make the other person look bad.
So if one of them isn’t right, they’ll do whatever it takes to get past their pain. Lying on the other person would take away the energy he needs to heal himself.
another approach
If the other does not have much pain, it does not mean that they will not have anything to solve. Still, most of his energy could be directed towards other areas of his life, well aware of how useless it would be for them to spend time criticizing their ex.
This doesn’t mean they won’t talk about what happened with a close friend, for example, but it won’t be a time where they try to make their ex look back. Bringing this out can allow them to process what happened and gradually integrate the experience.
a different scenario
However, this will not always be the case, as it will not always be possible for someone to move on in this way. Instead, one of them may end up going out of their way to make the other person look bad.
The weird thing about this is that the person who is trying to make your ex look bad might be the one who did the most damage. Therefore, even if there were problems on both sides, it would seem that one person was bad and the other was completely innocent.
What’s going on?
So it can seem like someone like that doesn’t care about their ex; all they care about is looking good. If this means destroying your ex’s image, so be it.
However, while it may seem like this is what it’s really about, there’s likely more to it. The reason someone would try to do this may be because they are trying to avoid their own feelings.
Avoidance
After your ex left you, you may have ended up in contact with a lot of shame and what happened after this will be a way to keep this shame at bay. Lowering the value of your ex is then one way of trying to avoid feeling totally worthless.
What this shows is that they are out of touch with their inherent value; their value is defined by how other people perceive them. With this in mind, it’s clear to see why they would behave this way.
Personal protection
Deep down, they were most likely afraid that if they did not do this to their ex, their ex would slander them. So it was about making them look bad, or getting her ex to reveal just how flawed they are to the world.
It is unlikely that one would have felt worthless if this had occurred; they would have felt even worse. This would have been something that permeated his entire being, feeling like they were less than human.
Conscience
Ideally, someone like this would seek external support, to be able to overcome the pain that is within them. Maybe they were raised in a very abusive environment.
This type of support is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer. When someone behaves in this way, they are likely to lack self-awareness and this can prevent you from being able to acknowledge her pain and then seek support.