“When I say black, my son says white.”
“If I tell my son no, he still does it”
“My son spends hours figuring out how things work.”
“My son is so stubborn that I don’t know what to do with him!”
Does this sound familiar to you?
Some children are easily redirected to new activities and will readily comply when you tell them “no.” Some children will refuse to cooperate and will persist in doing what they want to do. These children are called stubborn. However, many experts say that these children are really persistent and it is a trait that parents should value.
We can learn to admire our persistent children, but first we have to learn to deal with them. Here are 6 ways to do just that:
1. Find what triggers their persistent behavior:
Most persistent children do not respond well to direct commands, they are told that they cannot do what they want to do, or their wishes are frustrated. They also have trouble listening when parents give them inconsistent and unclear limits.
2. Think positive:
To help us appreciate these children, we can see them in a positive light. We can tell ourselves, these kids are committed to the task at hand, goal-oriented, unwilling to give up, assertive, and love to debate. They will be adults who really stick to things.
3. Manage your feelings:
These children may want to obey but are hampered by their need for control. We can help them understand their feelings by saying:
“It’s hard for you to hear ‘no’.”
“When you hear ‘no,’ you want to fight back immediately.”
“You like to make your own decisions.”
4. Make them listen:
There are ways we can get your cooperation. In my classes I teach ways to avoid giving direct orders to children. This is critical to use with these children. We can also give you options. It is important to set clear and consistent rules and stick to them.
5. Think of solutions:
These children should be given every opportunity to learn conflict resolution skills.
Asking them to problem solve is key, “You don’t want to stop playing and it’s time to go to our doctor’s appointment, what can we do to help you and me in this situation?”
6. Reinforce their good behavior:
These kids are to be commended for their ability to persist and, more importantly, for their ability to compromise:
“I wasn’t in my room and I wasn’t in my office, so you came out looking for me. That’s called being persistent.”
“You and Michael wanted the scissors and you came up with the solution of taking turns. That’s called a compromise!”
To learn more informational skills like these, visit us at http://www.parentingsimply.com. While you’re there, sign up for one of our great parenting workshops!