So the older I get, the more I think about the lessons I’ve learned in my career. Oh, to go back in time and talk to my younger self about the stupid things I did. Sadly, my younger self probably wouldn’t have listened to any imparted wisdom (which I define as knowledge coupled with experience). I had a reckless confidence: I did not think that he would burn me by touching the stove, no matter how many before me were burned.
Ah, the naivety of youth.
I’ve come to realize that learning hard lessons doesn’t mean you have to experience them firsthand. It is much less physically, emotionally and financially painful to learn from others. This has led me to an important conclusion: there are two paths to wisdom. The first is experiential wisdom, where I know the stove is hot because I touched it. the second is inherited wisdom, where I believe someone with credibility when they tell me that the stove is hot. I could have saved myself a lot of time, stress and money if I had understood and practiced the inherited wisdom.
In my quest to help those still climbing the career mountain, below are my 12 nuggets of wisdom to help others avoid experiential wisdom and replace it with inherited wisdom.
Don’t use “say sorry, not permission” as an excuse for disorganization or laziness. – I totally agree with people making urgent decisions without crossing all the Ts, but I’ve also seen plenty of people who were too lazy or too disorganized to make sure they had the proper authority to proceed. Both leader and follower must establish agreed guiding principles for decision making, then ensure that any instance of “saying sorry” is the exception rather than the rule.
Accelerate actions to urgency – As a younger leader, I had difficulty mastering measured responses to situations. I called in the cavalry for running issues or fooled around while Rome burned. As I grew older, I learned to assess a situation and its consequences, then to act with the urgency required. When an issue is handed to you, take the time to evaluate it and determine an appropriate course and speed of action.
Knowledge is having the answers, wisdom is knowing when to speak. – This is one I’ll be working on until I’m raising daisies. Smart people want answers and their tendency is to impose their point of view on others. But just because you know something doesn’t mean everyone else needs to know how smart you are. Sometimes the best response is no response at all, or a measured response in a different setting.
Fewer answers, more questions – As a young consultant, I thought my job was to have all the answers and make sure the client knew I had the answers. Over the years, I’ve learned that some of the greatest value I’ve provided my clients wasn’t the answers, but the honest and thought-provoking questions I asked. Respectfully asking questions that challenge the status quo or prevailing viewpoints was key to defining effective solutions. If you’re not good at asking questions, seek guidance and training. The ability to ask questions effectively will pay dividends throughout your career.
Do not alienate others with your personal views. – This is particularly important in today’s loose-lipped social media culture. Not everyone shares your point of view on topics like politics, social issues, or religion. Saying things like “unfriend me if you voted for ___” conveys how unimportant you consider relationships. Be aware of what you say and whether you may be inadvertently alienating friends, loved ones, and associates. See this article for more information.
Realize the importance of recharging batteries – Chronically burning midnight oil and depriving yourself of rest and leisure activities is simply not sustainable. I learned this lesson the hard way and was forced to take time off work due to physical and emotional exhaustion. Instead of controlling when I took time out, it was determined by me. Make rest and leisure a priority, not an afterthought.
Sacrifice now to protect the future – My first job after college was the first day I started saving for retirement. It was never a question of whether to save or not. Over the years, I’ve made financial decisions to save instead of buying things I could live without. I fully understand that some people truly live on a minimalist budget and don’t have the resources to save money for the future. But for every person in this situation there is another who adopts a “live for today” attitude and chooses to buy non-essential items instead of saving for the future. If possible, make saving a priority.
Make family decisions without regrets – My father died with great sadness because he did not spend enough time with his children when they were growing up. He influenced me as a father to focus on being there for football games and school plays. Now that my children are grown, I can’t imagine the feeling of looking back and saying, “I wish I had been there for ____.” Don’t make family decisions when you’re young that you’ll probably regret when you’re older.
Formulate your legacy statement on your years of work – I’ve had several conversations with people about the right time to think about your legacy statement. I started formulating mine (Help others to help themselves and not simply allow them) in my early forties. It has been very helpful to have a clear legacy statement as it not only guides me on what to focus on, but also what to no focus on. For example, I do a lot of coaching and mentoring with a clear understanding that my job is to help the person help themselves. He or she needs to try at least as hard as I do, or we end the relationship. Having a clear legacy statement allows me to say yes or no to things depending on how it lines up with that statement.
Know the difference between calculated risks and delayed risks – I classify risk taking as calculated (the alternatives and consequences are understood before taking an action) or reckless (going forward without understanding the alternatives and consequences). Look, taking risks is part of life. The question is whether you have thought about the alternatives and the consequences and know what is likely to happen with each alternative. Be sure to use a coach to help validate your thinking.
Run towards the good opportunities, not away from the bad ones – I have seen many people make life decisions to leave a bad situation only to go to an even worse situation and then regret it. When you’re evaluating making any life change, consider the pros and cons of each alternative. I have an evaluation tool to help you evaluate decisions on nine crucial elements of life here.
Understand that business ventures can ruin relationships. – I lost my best friend at that time due to a bad deal. We did it with the best of intentions, but we naively didn’t consider the possible impact on our families if things didn’t work out. It not only affected me, but also my wife and children. If you start a business with a friend, be prepared to lose him.